


The Second: Lei Balla con il Diavolo

by lena_went



Series: Frederick Chilton Series [2]
Category: Hannibal (TV), Raul Esparza - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-02-17 16:42:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13080993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lena_went/pseuds/lena_went
Summary: Section Two of the Frederick Chilton Series. Frederick Chilton and Reader continue their relationship both encountering terrifying and beautiful things along the way.





	1. Chapter 1

F: “We do not have to go.” I begged in a statement that as it left my lips sounded more like a suggestion. 

“Nonsense. You have all these fine clothes Frederick it would be a shame not to see you in them.” She retorted running a hand along the suits neatly hung in my closet. 

I let out a heavy sigh and wrapped my arms around her middle pulling her back flush against my chest. She laughed and reached an arm back to angle herself so she could give me a kiss on my cheek. 

With a pat against the unshaven skin of my face she spoke again. “If its really that awful for you we don't have to go darling.” 

Perhaps I had been a little too dramatic. 

“You are right. It would be a shame if I did not allow you this opportunity to show me off.” I joked maintaining a serious face. 

She giggled sweetly and turned to in my arms to face me. “Exactly.” 

She pressed a honeyed kiss on my lips and nose before squeezing me tightly. 

“When is it?” She hummed against me. 

“Saturday night.” I responded preparing myself for what was to come. 

Sure enough she peeled from my arms and ran to where she had found the invitation, picking it up and reading it carefully, her eyes darting back and forth in urgency. I curled my lips inward knowing she would not be pleased at my lack of advance notice. 

“Damn it Frederick. I’m going to have to finish my review article early now, and I don't even have a dress.” She put a hand to her forehead in an attempt to smooth the wrinkles that had formed in her frustration. 

“I am sorry…I did not think you would be interested in this sort of thing.” I lied. 

The truth was I was not interested in this sort of thing. I hated galas. The things I would do to avoid going to them outnumbered the list of things I wouldn’t. 

“You’re lucky I love you so goddamn much.” She took a photo of the invitation before pressing a kiss to my cheek. 

“Believe me I know. Now about that dress…” She pulled away from the embrace she had started with a glare. 

“Absolutely not Frederick…or have you forgotten what happened last time we went shopping together?” As I began to speak she pressed a finger to my lips. “You shopped only for yourself for two hours and I had to pull you away from a display of jewel encrusted tie pins with the promise of modeling lingerie for you in the next store.” She dropped the finger and used it to prod me in the chest as she spoke. 

“Well as I remember you had no objections when I bought you $400’s worth of said lingerie.” 

She choked back a scoff, “Thats because you refused to decide between the sets and ran to checkout with all of them before I could put my pants on.” At that I blushed. 

“I did not run…I…hurried.” I corrected with a grin. She laughed heartily and patted my chest where she had been poking a moment before. 

“That you did.” 

R: When I had found the invitation I was first excited. Then I showed it to Frederick who seemed rather dismayed that I had found it. His first excuse was that he had nothing to wear. Raising an eyebrow I had gone to his closet to remind him of how the opposite of his statement was true. I had never known a man with more formal attire. My original excitement turned to anxiety when Frederick told me the gala was in just two days. That sly little mongoose was hoping it would escape my notice. Now here we were at some tiny boutique where he was poised with one hand delicately resting on the top of his cane. He was speaking to the owner, detailing our need for a dress and the reason for our urgency. 

It was so odd to see him in public after only seeing him at home for days on end. He always fell into this saunter and it amused me to no end. Even his way of speaking changed, he became more articulate and almost accented. I could feel a smirk pulling at my mouth and I fought it knowing if Frederick saw it he would over analyze the expression. I thought his anxieties would taper off as our relationship advanced and became more committed but sometimes I would catch him looking at me as if he were taking mental notes on every move I made. I couldn't blame him, I often found myself watching him in the same way. I grew familiar with the masks he used for different people, each unique but under the same umbrella of ‘pompous doctor’. There was a night where I laid awake wondering if he was using a mask on me as well. I quickly chastised myself for thinking such a thing. I could feel that he loved me dearly and as he had said before, he trusted me. 

Now I was trusting him with my appearance. I knew he would want me looking my best and he had a very classic all be it over the top style. I parted with him as the tailor of the boutique lead me away to be measured in privacy, noticing how his mouth twitched in a slight frown watching me walk away from him and the store owner. 

 

F: I could feel the anxiety piling in my stomach as I straightened my bow tie in the large mirror in my bedroom. I looked fantastic. I repeated this to myself in a slow mutter as I turned side to side looking myself over. I could not afford to look any less than phenomenal tonight. After speaking to a few work colleagues over the phone I had compiled a tentative guest list of who I could expect to see at the gala. The most important guests would be the Governor of Maryland, Dr. Richards (a very important psychiatrist in Maryland) Cliff Daniels (a “friend” from my time in medical school) and of course Dr. Lecter. Lecter never missed one of these galas. He also never failed to draw a small crowd around him whenever he spoke. Looking myself over once more I tucked my wallet into my innermost pocket with a sigh. It was time.

 

R: From my bedroom window I saw Fredericks car pull up to my apartment building. Moments later my phone vibrated against my dresser with his name and suit photo flashing up at me. I was nervous. Not just for the gala and meeting all of Fredericks colleagues but for him to see me in this dress. It had been outrageously expensive. Frederick had tried to keep the price a secret but the little old lady at the boutique mentioned it casually as she marked me up for alterations. The dress came from New York directly from the designer. The boutique owner had connections with multiple designers in the city and had convinced one to sell him a dress. When I carefully pulled the dress on a few minutes ago my heart had briefly stopped. My eyes had stung as I regarded myself in the mirror over my bureau. I looked like a princess. The dress fit perfectly, hugging tightly at my waist but flowing freely down my legs in a cascade of light fabric. Flowers made of blush colored fabric decorated the skirt of the dress and were arranged so naturally I felt as if I too was a flower. Jesus, when had I gotten so dramatic? Frederick. Spending so much time with that little drama queen had turned me into one as well. I brought myself back to the present and answered his call. My nerves soothed at the sound of him voice which was coated in anxiety. 

“Are you ready?” He had asked and I wasn't sure if he was speaking to me or himself. 

Nevertheless I answered with a short yes and after grabbing my purse I locked the door to my apartment and made my way outside. 

F: Lights from other cars flickered in and out of my windshield as I waited for her to come down. I picked at the steering wheel nervously glancing at the clock on my phone. We could not start this evening off by being late. I would never hear the end of it. Then I heard the squeak of the metal door guarding the entrance to her apartment building. Stepping out of the hazy light of the lobby was the most beautiful creature I had ever beheld. The lightest pink flowed from her form as if it were simply an extension of herself. My necklace was around her neck and a perfect match for the gown. She stared back at me with a look of worry on her face. I tried in vain to catch my breath. In my awe I had forgotten to unlock the car door. She pulled at the handle in exasperation. 

“Frederick…door…Frederick….unlock the door.”

I snapped from my daze and smacked my hand against the lock controls to my left. She opened the door and carefully lifted the layered skirts of her gown in order to prevent wrinkling them as she sat. I heard the door shut but I suddenly couldn't remember where we were going or why. All I knew was that the most beautiful woman in the world had just appeared next to me and that I would do anything to prevent her from doing the opposite. 

R: We had parked close to the venue and were walking hand in hand towards the yellow circular street lamps and well dressed men and women outside of the large building. I noticed Fredericks hand become slightly sweaty and his breath become labored. I pulled him to the side of the building so we would be hidden by shadows. 

“We don't have to do this. Say the word and we can go home.” I squeezed his hand and placed my other hand on his cheek. He looked at me with a slight sigh and returned the squeeze I had given him. 

“I am fine. Its just that…many of these people have not seen me since…my accident.” His face had changed and turned to one of feigned neutrality. 

I traced a finger along his jaw at which he closed his eyes and hummed softly. 

“Why don't we show them what they've been missing.” I spoke moving my lips to his ear lobe and sucking softly on it. The hand not on his cane shot to my waist pulling me hard against him. 

“It is not nice to tease.” He growled in my ear. I ran my hand between us and over the layers of clothes between my palm and his scar. 

“I disagree…I think this is…very nice.” 

His breathing shifted as my hand drifted lower before wrapping around his back. He bit tenderly at my neck leaving little wet marks where his teeth had been. 

“Come on now love, we don't want to be late.” I reminded him as his hand had journeyed to my hair and I feared he would pull it from its carefully structured form. 

He groaned and moved his hips against mine. Perhaps I had teased a bit to much. 

“Must we?” He whined. 

I chuckled and pulled his large hand with me.

We followed an older couple into the large ballroom upon the sight of which I placed a hand over my heart in awe. It was like something from a dream. The ceiling sparkled with little golden and silver shards of mirrors. Each shining like stars on the clearest night far from city lights. The chandeliers were massive and heavily ornate. Golden accents wrapping around and up onto the ceiling. Tables were set up towards the end of the room and as I took in the glory of my surroundings Frederick led me with a smirk to find ours. The tables were covered in a milky silk like material which reflected the sparkles of the ceiling. Plates with delicate golden patterns were laid out in each place setting along with name cards made of mulberry paper which I recognized from a few higher end events the museum had put on. Our table was near the large portion of patterned marble floor which I assumed would serve as a dance floor for the later part of the evening. Would I be able to dance in this gown? Frederick pulled out my chair for me and waited for me to take a seat. I was still marveling at the ceiling and hadn't noticed his actions. 

“It is a thing of beauty isn't it?” A heavy accented voice spoke from behind me. I turned rather quickly and my senses hadn't failed me. 

“Dr. Lecter, I hadn't thought to see you here.” I spoke as he reached for my hand which I offered in return. He placed a light kiss on it while maintaining eye contact with me.  
“Ah, events like these I do my best to attend. Halls like these remind me of Florence with their renaissance paintings and baroque style molding.” He spoke as he straightened. I nodded my agreement. 

“One of my best friends lived in Florence for a few years, during which I visited her multiple times. There are few places with more architectural and artistic beauty.” I relayed back to him before remembering Frederick. 

I turned to him with a smile which quickly fell when I saw his face. His eyes had darkened and his posture had stiffened, and his knuckles were white where he gripped my chair. 

“Hello Frederick.” Dr. Lecter spoke as if he didn't notice Frederick’s apparent anger. 

Frederick gave Dr. Lecter a curt nod before looking back at me flames dancing in his eyes. I turned to Dr. Lecter to say goodbye but before I could he motioned to where his table was ‘should I wish to discuss various items of beauty in depth’. Then he turned with a slight smile and walked away his dress heels making the slightest of taps on the marble as he went. I looked at Frederick and raised an eyebrow at his behavior. 

We both took a seat and looked over the papers on the table outlining the events of the evening as well as what would be served for dinner. There were no vegetarian options. I told Frederick he could have my salad in addition to his and I would eat his entree instead. Little did he know I had forgone meat long ago just by being with him so often. We engaged our table mates in pleasant conversation as our dinner was served course by course. The string quartet began a pleasant yet mundane tune which continued for the duration of dinner. Suddenly a pair of hands clapped down on Frederick’s shoulders nearly causing him to drop the spoon of creme brûlée he was pulling to his mouth. 

“Frederick Chilton, its been too long!” A loud voice stated from behind us. I turned to glare at the offensive noise to see a tall lean man about Fredericks age grinning widely at the back of Frederick’s head.

Frederick turned as well his lips flickering back and forth to a frown. 

“Cliff Daniels, likewise.” Frederick's voice said otherwise.

After Cliff had moved back Frederick stood up and shook his hand quickly. 

“Well I had heard tell that you got yourself a girlfriend, and I see that the rumor mill has not failed this time. I’m Cliff Daniels…and you are?” He offered his hand to me despite the fact that I was still seated.

I stood and shook his hand while introducing myself. Laughing Cliff shook his head.

“Jesus Fred I’m not sure how you swung this one, you must be doing a lot better than you're letting on. I heard about the incident with one of your patients. But you seem to be doing fine.” I noticed Frederick tense and his face become hard as he responded. 

“Nor am I…I am very lucky.” I wasn't sure if he was referring to me or the accident with Gideon.  
Either way I could see the tension and anger mounting and knew it would be difficult to unwind him later. After a few more exchanges Cliff gave Frederick another slap to the shoulder and sauntered back to his table. Fredrick quickly took a seat and I noticed how he moved a hand to his stomach with a flinch. He shouldn't have stood so long without his cane. I placed a hand on his thigh and gave him a soft squeeze. His eyes quickly flicked up to mine and I gave him a comforting smile. 

“What an ass.” I whispered to him. He placed his hand on top of mine and placed a kiss on my cheek. I moved my hand further up his thigh and saw his eyes darken as he bit his bottom lip. 

“Speaking of…I can’t wait to see yours on the dance floor tonight.” I spoke closer to his ear before pulling away to take a sip of wine. When I looked back at him he was frowning slightly. 

“I do not think you will, I am not feeling my best.” 

I moved my hand back to a more appropriate location before speaking again.

“Do we need to leave?” I asked with a reassuring nod. 

“No…No, the evening is almost over and I still have a few acquaintances I need to engage with.” He rolled his eyes and I smiled at his dramatics. I placed a kiss on his cheek before giving his thigh a pat. 

“Very well, I suppose I’ll find someone to talk to while you finish up.” I gave him a little wink and he stood with a sigh and the click of his cane on the marble signaled his departure as he walked off towards a cluster of men that had formed near the dance floor.

A few couples were dancing to the terribly rearranged pop music that played over the speakers. I noticed the string players begin to pack up their instruments and I let out a heavy and regretful sigh. 

“They are very good. I recommended them to the gala director a few months back.” Hannibal Lecter was behind me once more standing exactly straight with a hint of a smile on his thin lips. I nodded my agreement. 

“I only wish they would play a bit more, I thought I would get to dance along with their music tonight.” I spoke to him with a small smile. 

“Perhaps I can help with that, what shall I tell them to play?” 

He leaned down towards me with a larger smile. I looked for Frederick and thought of refusing Lecter politely but I remembered what Alana had said many mornings ago. Hannibal Lecter abhors the rude. 

“Aram Khachaturian’s Masquerade Waltz.” I spoke quickly to make up for the pause I had left after his initial question. 

“Excellent choice.” He then strode to the string players who quickly straightened at his arrival and nodded hard as he spoke to them. He then walked back to me and offered his arm. I stood and took it carefully noting the harshness of his muscles against mine. The string players waited for Hannibal to nod at them before striking up their tune. Hannibal raised his arm with mine and placed his other arm on the small of my back. Then we stepped, moving in patterned circles around the floor. His smile grew as he realized how experienced his partner was. The truth was I had long ago learned to dance with my grandfather and had always loved the waltz. Hannibal complicated the dance and I eagerly accepted as I did with most challenges. I leaned my head back as we turned letting the music wash over me. Hannibal tightened his grip on my back and pulled me in closer to him and our steps quickened with the music. I could feel the heat from his body and breath as we moved, nearly as one, effortlessly over the marble floors which were reflecting perfectly the shine of the ceiling and chandeliers above us. I then added a variation to the dance signaling such by making eye contact with Hannibal. He smiled and adapted quickly and I smiled back enjoying the feel of the air as the skirts of my dress billowed around us. The tune of the music changed slightly and we slowed our dance and I noticed we were being watched by everyone in sight. Hannibal must have noticed too because his smile deepened and I felt his fingers flex on the small of my back. The tune quickened again and everything became a blur. We flew rapidly around the marble floors without hesitation, his moves were clean and precise where mine were soft and free flowing. 

Then suddenly the music changed from the Masquerade Waltz into Eugen Doga’s My Sweet and Tender Beast. Luckily I had danced to this tune many times before. I didn't know what Dr. Lecter thought he would gain by surprising me with the change of tune but I adapted quickly even adding a few spins as we turned. I felt something along my shoulders and I saw Lecter grin. My hair had fallen from it’s previously high position on my head and now I could feel its brush against the skin of my back as it flowed freely while we spun. I laughed slightly though it came out in a small breathless exhale. 

The music changed once again this time it wasn't a waltz but Lecter continued to treat it as such. My eyes closed in bliss as I heard the middle of Tchaikovsky’s op 20 from Swan Lake. As the music crescendoed we spun mercilessly our feet never once tripping and eyes never straying to our blurred surroundings. His every motion was articulate and sure. We slowed to a regular pace in keeping with the swell of the strings and I could once again see the shapes around us. The couples that had been dancing had long ago stopped and we were the only ones dancing in the large space in the center of the room. I forgot all of this as the strings quickened to a near maddening fever and we moved in haste with it. With each pulse of the music Hannibal would spin me out only to return to his arms before being spun again. The strings took on high notes and fluttered signaling the near ending of the song which I knew well. Hannibal decided on a path along the outskirts of the marble center and we rotated quickly around the perimeter before returning to the center for the final notes of the song. At that he spun me closer and closer then finally to a halt where we both let out a sigh and gasped for air our chests moving in rhythm. Suddenly there was an eruption of applause from all around the room and I felt a harsh blush come to my cheeks. I very quickly became aware of my hairs position down my shoulders and back. 

“You are an excellent dance partner Ms. Y/N.” Spoke Hannibal finally releasing my back and hand from his firm grip. 

I thanked him and complimented him as well before looking around me for Frederick. I spotted him soon, he was standing with the men I had watched him walk to earlier. I moved to walk towards him but Hannibal reached for my hand and gave it a brief kiss before bidding me a farewell. I thanked him and said a goodbye before turning away. I looked back to where Frederick had been standing but he was gone. I looked around the room but there was no sign of him. My heart dropped to my stomach and I gripped it in my anxiety. I hurried from the room moving past the clusters of gala guests that had formed around the dance floor. My eyes darted across each and every face desperately searching for him. I made my way outside into the chilled air which served as a sudden reminder of how Frederick and I had checked our coats a long ago. My heels clicked rapidly against the pavement as I raced to where we had parked only to see that Frederick’s car was still where we had left it. He had to be here somewhere. My heart pounded and I felt my eyes begin to sting. I wandered hurriedly around the side of the venue towards the back where a large garden was half lit by old gas lamps. I made my way down some stairs towards the garden and nearly tripped on something as I went. 

I leaned down to investigate what it had been noting its odd shape and size before I realized what the familiar object was. Frederick’s cane. The decorative portion at the top had been cracked and the protective glass around the length was shattered. I picked it up careful not to cut myself and walked further down the stairs and around a small corner. Then I saw him. Hunched over, he was seated on a stone bench with his back towards me. Through the shadows and small patterns of light I could detect the movement of his shoulders as they heaved. He was crying. I moved towards him gingerly not wanting to startle him. 

“Fredrick?” My voice was smaller than I thought it would be. His head turned slightly to acknowledge my presence but he didn't move or speak. I came to kneel in front of him and placed a hand on his knee. 

“My love, whats wrong?” He snapped up at that and pushed my hand from his knee. 

“Don’t call me that.” He spoke harshly before lowering his head once more. 

“Why not?” I asked, shifting again to look up to the face he kept hidden in shadows. 

“Because it is not true.” I heard the water in his voice and knew he didn't mean what he was saying. I returned my hand to his knee and reached for his face carefully. 

“Frederick, I love you. Talk to me.” I spoke gently suddenly feeling like I was the psychiatrist in the pair. 

He raised his head and I could see the shine of the trail that tears had made down his face. 

“Oh my darling man what is it?” I cupped his cheeks and moved to sit beside him the skirts of my gown nearly covering one of his legs. His breath shook through him and his eyes moved over my face five or six times before his gaze fell again. I moved closer to him and without warning he fell into my arms and his face pressed against the exposed skin of my collarbone and upper chest. I felt his body shake and heave a few more times before he calmed. My hands moved over his back in soothing circles and my lips pressed into his hair which had been perfectly groomed until now. He lifted himself from me and pressed me without warning into him instead. I kissed gently at the wet skin of his neck and wrapped my arm around his hip. 

“You are mine.” He spoke suddenly his statement almost sounding like a question. I moved so I could look at his face. His eyebrows had knit together in worry and his mouth was slightly open as if he were trying to answer for me. I smiled softly and placed a hand along his jaw. 

“I have been for a long time now.” That seemed to help. His expression softened and he kissed me hard on the mouth stealing the breaths I had gained moments before. He pulled from me and put a hand to my jaw mirroring my hands previous placement on his face. 

“Only mine.” He spoke barely above a whisper. 

“Yes my love.” My heart filled with affection towards him despite his dramatics. I wondered who had hurt him so badly that he was this afraid and sensitive. He pressed me into his chest again which helped guard my exposed skin against the frigid night air. 

“I used to be able to dance. I was good.” His voice broke a little as he spoke. 

That’s what he was upset about. It wasn't a leap but until then my mind had failed at making a strong connection between the two. 

“Oh Frederick, I wouldn't have danced with Hannibal if I knew it would hurt you this way. I’m sorry darling.” He paused for a moment and then spoke again and I could feel the vibrations of his voice through his chest. 

“Did you enjoy it?” I considered lying but I knew it was fruitless. 

“Yes…I did.” 

He paused again and pulled me even tighter against him before laying a kiss on the crown of my untidy hair. 

“Then you have nothing to be sorry for.” This was shocking. I felt my eyes tear up before a few neatly packaged droplets fell from my eyes onto the curve of his neck.  
He quickly pulled away looking at me with grave concern. 

“Why are you crying?” He asked while cupping my flushed cheeks with both hands. I couldn't think of any words. Not one. So I brought my lips to rest on his in a soft kiss which turned deep in a matter of seconds. His large hands ran through my hair as I moved myself onto his lap out of a feverish desire to be as close to him as possible. The night air coupled with Frederick’s touch brought goosebumps to a new height along my back and arms. 

I wove my fingers into the soft wealth of his hair and sighed at the residence they found there. My nails grazed his scalp ever so gently which made him moan and shudder. Despite my close proximity to his warmth I shivered violently at which Frederick pulled away and insisted that we return inside for our coats. I moved off him and noticed we had a bit of a predicament on our hands. This drew a hearty laugh and a few blushes from both of us before I instructed him to go to the car and warm it for us and that I would meet him there with both of our coats. He squeezed my hand before I turned from him and I pressed a feather light kiss on his cheek cautious not to excite him any more. 

I met him back at the car in no time and soon we were on the road. I couldn't resist running my fingers up and down the length of his thigh noting how the speed of the car increased each time. I whispered something downright filthy in his ear and he glared at me before chuckling softly with a few tsk tsk tsks. We were pulled up outside his house within minutes. For the rest of the night and a bit of the morning too Fredrick and I danced over and over again in a much more lascivious and sensual fashion and I couldn't have been happier with my dance partner.


	2. Io Divago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse into Frederick and Reader's mundane evening after work.

F: Work plagued both of us for a few days after the gala and our time together mainly consisted of falling asleep in each others arms. She was on the phone and frantically scribbling at papers on her desk when I arrived at her apartment around 7pm one evening. It was a fairly early time for me to be home but she smiled at me as I walked into the living room. She moved the phone from her face and pressed it into her shoulder before she spoke.

“Hi love, I’ve just got to finish these last case briefs and then I’ll be ready for dinner.” She returned her eyes to the papers as she spoke with a hit of exhaustion on her voice. 

I placed my things next to the couch and took a seat with a sigh. She wasn't the only one who had a tiring day. I listened to her voice as she carried on with one of her law school friends who apparently did not realize there were four parts to negligence. Y/N was so incredibly smart and graceful. Her tone was not condescending but rather the tone of a caring teacher. She explained everything slowly and thoroughly before hanging up and writing more on the papers in front of her. I could hear her humming a low melody from where I sat and I felt my eyes close in the sense of peace that blanketed over me. I heard a few more scratches and taps on her legal pad before the sound of footsteps neared me. 

“Frederick? Are you asleep?” Her voice was quiet and she placed a small hand on my shoulder.   
I shook my head but kept my eyes closed, I was more tired than I had thought. 

“Oh darling, I’m sorry that took so long, are you hungry still or do you want to go straight to bed?”

“Hungry.” My stomach growled as if on cue and she giggled while placing a hand on my belly. 

“Poor baby. What sounds good?” She spoke as she rubbed slow circles on my middle.

“God do not ask me that.” I groaned remembering our last argument over food. 

She laughed at my dramatics and placed a kiss on my jaw before leaving my side, her footsteps receding into the kitchen. I heard her open a few cabinets and take a sharp inhale before sighing. 

“Well either we can order in or go out.” 

“Order in.” My eyes were still shut and growing heavier by the minute. 

We had a few standard places we liked to order from on our busy nights when neither of us could be bothered to cook. I heard her return to take a seat beside me and the tones from her phone signaled the ring of another line. She greeted the employee on the other line by his first name and asked how his father was doing before ordering our normal feast. God we needed to get out more. After she hung up I felt her pulling at my hands. I groaned loudly and she scolded me with a giggle. 

“Come on, you’ll like this I promise.” I raised an eyebrow and opened one eye out of curiosity.  
She led me into her bedroom and prompted me to lay face down on the bed. I did and I felt myself tense at this strange position. The lights in the room were turned off save the candelabra style lamp on the floor near the bed which provided a hazy halo of light. Soon soft music was playing from her phone speaker and she placed it near my head so the relaxing tune was clear. I felt her move onto the bed and then onto me. She straddled my lower back and I could feel the heat from her body through my work clothes. Her hands started by stroking my shoulders and neck before brushing down my sides and back. I sighed into her pillow at the contact. Then her fingers returned to my shoulders and rotated in small circles loosening and relaxing the muscles there. Drifting purposefully to my scapula she carefully kneaded there as well as if she knew exactly where I was carrying my stress. I groaned in relief as she worked my back through my shirt and I found myself wishing I had removed it in advance.

As if she could read my mind she brought her face to my ear and whispered for me to remove my layers. With more energy than I had possessed all day I moved and did as she asked before flopping back down hopeful for more. She obliged and the massage felt even more extraordinary against my bare skin. I breathed deeply and steadily as she moved over all my muscles leaving no spot insufficiently worked. To finish she placed small kisses down my spine before pulling at my side and causing me to rotate to lie on my back. She straddled me again and raked her fingernails gently down my sides and chest before leaning down to suck softly at the side of my neck. I moaned as she did this, unable in my relaxed state to hold myself back. I gripped her hips tightly and opened my eyes to see her directly above my face gazing at me lovingly. Her hair fell around both of our faces like the branches of a weeping willow as she kissed me tenderly before grabbing a strand of it to tickle my lips and nose. I laughed and my chest lifted with the sound at which she kissed me again. 

“Do you feel a little better now?” She asked running a finger down the center of my chest and over my scar. I nodded as I massaged her outer and upper thighs hoping to get her moving on top of me. She obliged and rolled her hips ever so slowly making me push my head back into the pillow with a small whimper. Thats when the phone beside my head began to ring. She answered it immediately before moving off of me and down the hall. My frustration was indescribable. I heard her answer the door and exchange pleasantries with the delivery boy before shutting the door again. The sound of plastic bags and the smell of food drifted down the hall to where I laid both hands clapped over my eyes in misery.

“Baby did you want the white rice or brown?” She called from the kitchen and I grumbled back my answer. I heard her gather some plates and silverware from her cabinets and drawers before she called back to me to come eat with her.

I got up with a dramatic sigh and made my way to the living room where I plopped myself on the couch with a frown. She was still scooping out portions from the takeaway boxes and didn't notice my theatricalities. With a light clink she sat the dishes full with vegetables and rice in front of me and took a seat across from me on the floor. 

“Why are you on the floor?” I asked with a raise of my eyebrow before taking a spoonful of rice into my mouth.

“So I can look at you. When I sit next to you its harder to see your face.” She answered practically before she pierced a broccoli with her fork. 

I felt myself smirk and quickly ate more in an attempt to conceal my smugness at her comment.

“How was your day?” That was one of the things I loved about her, she always asked and no matter what I would say she would listen intently before offering thoughtful insights on whatever had troubled me that day.

As I detailed to her the stressful encounters I had all day long she nodded and tilted her head in sympathy. Once I finished I asked her the same question and she began her tales of the day each more amusing than the last. The museum was struggling to bring in visitors and a few of her professors had decided to add more cases to her already massive list of reviews. A few minutes later I realized I should have been the one giving the massage. I said this and she laughed softly before returning to her food. We ate rather quickly (as we usually did), neither of us ever had much time for enjoying food, and besides my mind was already thinking about other things to enjoy. The dishes were promptly washed, dried and put away before she gave me a light kiss on the cheek and started making coffee.

“What are you doing?” I asked as she began scooping the grounds of Gevalia out of the yellow bag and into the top of the machine. 

“Remember what I said, I’ve got cases that have cases and I have to be at the museum for a meeting with a huge patron tomorrow morning at 9.” She smiled sadly and reached for my hand. She caught it and pulled my fingertips to her lips and gave them a kiss. 

“Do you want me to stay up with you?” I inquired with a slight tilt of my head.

“No baby you're tired, go to bed and I’ll be there before you know it.” 

I gave her a sad flash of a smile before kissing her lightly and muttering a goodnight. After the day I had all I wanted was to fall asleep with her in my arms but I understood. I returned to her bedroom, undressed and rolled onto the bed with a heavy breath. I could hear her classical music playing from the living room and it soothed me into sleep.

R: It was around 2 am when I finished all my work as well as a prepared statement for one of my torts classes tomorrow afternoon. I waited for that feeling of satisfaction to settle on me but nothing came. My fingers were a bit twitchy from the copious amounts of caffeine I had consumed but I proceeded to gather my papers into organized piles before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I looked myself over in the mirror and ran a hand through my hair. I felt bad about earlier. I loved Frederick dearly but I admitted to myself that I had been relieved when the delivery boy had arrived. I was under so much stress at work and school and really hadn't been in the mood for anything more after giving him the massage. I knew he would never on his darkest day force me to do anything against my will but nevertheless I had sensed an underlying tension all through dinner.

I had been feeling off for a couple of days and I chocked it up to the pressure I was facing at school and work. I brushed my teeth and rinsed twice with my mouthwash in an attempt to rid my mouth of the taste of coffee. God what was wrong with me, was I being selfish? No, I reminded myself, no one is perfect and no one has it together all the time. Its ok to be stressed out as long as you're proactive about it. I nodded at my reflection and pulled on my silk nightgown. Exiting the bathroom I turned off the hall light and checked the front door to ensure that it was locked. I entered my bedroom and paused in the doorway. There he was stretched out like a baby and fast asleep. It was rare for me to see him sleeping as he always managed to wake before me. His face was so serene and youthful it made my heart swell in my breast. I moved carefully closer to the bed and lifted my phone before snapping a few pictures. The light from outside was enough to illuminate his face and I was grateful for it as it prevented me from using my flash. I looked over the photos with happy sigh before plugging my phone in to its charger and placing it next to Frederick’s. 

I slipped into bed and almost instantly his arms were around my waist and his head was on my chest. He pulled me close like a toddler hugs a stuffed animal before placing a sloppy kiss on my collarbone. I moved my hand through his hair as I closed my eyes and tried to will myself into sleep. My mind would have none of it and my thoughts raced anxiously from my left hemisphere to my right without pause. Suddenly my breathing became unsteady and ragged and my heart felt as if it were about to pound out of my chest. I felt the need to both run somewhere and yet I couldn't move. I managed to weakly whimper Frederick’s name at which he awoke immediately. Tears streamed down the sides of my face and he sat up to quickly turn on the light.

“What is it my love?” He asked with intense worry and concern etched into his face. I clutched at his arms unsure what was happening.

“I…can’t….I…” I tried to speak but I seemed to have forgotten how. 

He moved his hands over my face in gentle caresses before helping me sit up. I suddenly felt nauseous at the movement and shut my eyes tightly in an attempt to will it away. 

“You are having a panic attack. Try to breathe deeply.” His voice soothed me in its calm tenor but the air around me carried no weight and I couldn't feel it as my lungs searched for relief. My skin became clammy and my vision took on a kind of grittiness reminiscent of old film. Frederick pulled me into his lap with ease and pulled my hair away from my face which had become glazed with a light sweat. With his palm flat he pressed lightly onto my chest and I could feel it rise and fall once again. I was breathing…I was breathing. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and looked up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. Frederick began to sing softly to me, continuing to hold me in a firm but roomy embrace. 

“So close your eyes on hushabye mountain…wave goodbye to cares of the day…” His voice was deep and soothing to my ringing ears and I felt it pull me back to the present as my breath began to regulate and my limbs relaxed. He continued singing until I turned my head inward to press my lips to his neck directly below his jaw. 

“Do you need a glass of water?” He inquired carefully his voice low as if he were speaking to a skittish animal. I nodded and pressed another kiss to his neck. He helped me lie down before sliding out of the bed and moving down the hall. He returned quickly with a wet towel and a glass of water which he handed to me as I sat up. 

“Thank you Freddy.” I managed my voice still elusive. He leaned over me as he sat on the side of the bed and held the towel to my head.

“I am no stranger to panic attacks. I used to have them constantly after…” He trailed off before clearing his throat so he could continue. 

“I actually had a minor panic attack before our first date.” He spoke softly and his eyes found mine with a hit of a smile in them. 

“I’m sorry.” I spoke apologizing for both the past and the present. He shook his head and refolded the cool of the towel so he could run it over the bridge of my nose and then my forehead. 

“There is no need for that, I understand exactly how it feels.”

“I shouldn't have had so much coffee.” My voice had returned and my thoughts were clear again. He chuckled softly and tilted his head in agreement.

“I agree. Is there anything you need to talk about? What can I do to help?” 

I looked into his eyes and saw that were filled with such genuine concern and kindness that I lowered my eyes to my glass of water in a kind of shame. He moved hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear before speaking his voice carrying a hint of worry. 

“What is it?” 

I looked up at him and with a heavy breath explained how I had been feeling for the past few days at which he nodded and listened carefully. I felt my chest lighten with each word and I continued on, telling him everything and leaving no emotion out. When I finished I took a deep breath and waited for his response which came as a kiss on my forehead. 

“Thank you for your honesty.” He paused for a moment before standing and returning to lie on his side of the bed. He took me in his arms and I pressed my face into his chest with a heavy sigh at the relief I found there. I felt vibrations through my face when he spoke again.

“Please come to me when you feel this way. I love you and never want you to feel so unhappy.” 

He moved a large warm hand over the skin my back and pressed a kiss to the crown of my head. 

“Will you promise to always speak to me when you feel the slightest hint of any unpleasant emotion?” His words were slow and each carried heavy intent. 

“I promise.” I whispered into his chest before finally finding the rest and peace I so desperately needed.


	3. Paris et Degas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Chilton encounter a major hurdle in their relationship.

F: Each week that passed I fell more and more in love with her. We went to museums, we saw films at the old cinema downtown, she even accompanied me to some psychology lectures I had to attend to retain my license to practice. In the cold air she would cling close to me and kiss at my jaw as we walked down the city’s streets. After I had broken my last cane at the gala I had purchased a new one but I rarely used it anymore. We were both busy with our professional lives but we always found time for each other, as if being together were an inevitability. As I looked back on our time together I could no longer remember a morning where she hadn't woken up in my arms, or I in hers. Back and forth between my house and her apartment our lives became mixed as well as our belongings. I began considering asking her to move in with me but I would rather have moved in with her. No doubt her presence would warm my house infinitely, but it seemed a dismal place to keep someone so full of life and beauty.

One morning there was a knock on the doors to my office at BSHCI at which I looked up eagerly and without a groan. Somehow she had made my work life more enjoyable despite my recent failure with Will Graham. (Which she insisted was not a failure but rather an impossibly complicated chasm of which I, Frederick Chilton, was to stay away from at all costs.) But instead of an orderly or a member of hospital administrative staff it was her. She hadn't sent me a text…strange. She excitedly shut the door and ran towards me her heels clicking rapidly as she flew onto my lap. 

“Fredrick you won’t believe this! I’ve just received the most amazing news from the curator in Paris!” She bounced softly on my legs like a child on Santa’s lap. 

I attempted to draw her in close to me but she pushed back at me in her excitement causing me to slip slightly in my chair. She pressed an apology kiss to my lips before hopping up and moving to sit on my desk. 

“Well, are you going to keep me in suspense?” I asked amused at her theatricalities. 

She grinned almost maniacally and her eyes filled with little tears.

“They’ve agreed to meet with me about the Degas! Frederick this is huge, we might actually get the painting! The museum hasn't been doing so well as of late and this is exactly what we need to get things up and running again! A Degas Frederick!” She exclaimed all of this while moving her hands in a very animated fashion as a few tears of joy slipped from her eyes. 

“That’s wonderful my love, I am so proud of you. Only you could do this. Remember what I said? This was all you.” 

She tilted her head and more tears rolled down her cheeks as she reached for me. I took her back into my arms and kissed her deeply feeling her happy tears wet my cheeks. I moved a strand of dark hair from her face and traced her brow and cheekbone delicately as she giggled in childlike joy. 

“The curators are meeting next week in Paris, and I’m the only buyer in the group…the rest have curatorial degrees which definitely gives them an edge over me but I’m not going to let that get in my way.”  
She moved off of me and walked to where she had set her purse which she began digging through in a search for something. My heart stopped as I replayed her words. 

“Paris…next week?”

My heart sank lower into my stomach when I saw the excitement in her eyes as she looked back up at me.

“I know, short notice, but I am an excellent packer Frederick, and I’ve been to Paris before remember so I’ve got a few friends there to keep me company.” 

She looked back down as she spoke rustling through her crowded bag. Friends? What kind of friends? And how could I protect her when she was so far from me? In a strange city no less. How could she spring this on me with such joy? Was she really oblivious of what this was doing to me?

“No.” I spoke and she stopped her search and looked at me in confusion. 

“No what?” She asked still unaware of where this conversation was heading.

“No.” I repeated with more finality in my tone. Her eyes narrowed and she furrowed her brow. 

“You are not going. The answer is no.”

In that moment I felt as if I were her father rather than her lover but it didn't stop me from speaking the words that caused her face to fall and then harden.

“I wasn't asking for your permission Frederick.” Her tone was cold and dripped with anger. 

I pulled off my reading glasses in one calm motion determined to remain level headed. 

“You are not going.” I repeated slowly enflaming her anger all the more.

“You don't get to decide that Frederick, I had thought you would be more supportive of me. This is all I’ve dreamed of since we met and you're the first person I told when they called me. You know how much this means to me!” As she spoke her voice became more unsteady and her eyes glazed with tears of a different kind than had fallen down her face moments before. That last sentence broke something in me. 

“Don’t I mean anything to you? Do you know what it would do to me if you left?” I suddenly shouted causing her to take a step back before taking two more forward. 

“It’s two weeks Frederick, TWO. You can last that long without me! You're always…” She stopped there her hands shaking as she ran them through her hair. 

“Go on, I am always what?” I didn't want to know the answer but things were moving too fast now and I had already spoken. 

“Dramatic, Frederick…you make everything into way more than it needs to be, you're always blowing things out of proportion its like you don't trust me!” Tears fell in droplets wasting no time rolling down her cheeks.

She placed a hand on the center of her chest and took a deep breath before continuing in a quiet voice. “Don’t you trust me?” 

I felt my own eyes sting and I quickly looked up at the white vacant ceiling in an attempt to stop them from filling any further. I tried to take a deep breath but it came as a shudder and I felt my shoulders shake as if I no longer controlled them. Was this the end? 

“I do trust you…of course I do. I just…I do not…trust myself…without you.” There it was. The horrible truth. I had turned this wonderful woman into a crutch for my insecurities. I looked to her before lowering my eyes to my desk as the tears started. She took a seat across the desk from me and reached for my trembling hand. 

“I love you.” My voice broke as I whispered my most precious sentiment to her not daring to look into her eyes. 

“I have never doubted that.” Her voice was soft and comforting but still carried a certain sternness from before. Her fingers brushed over my knuckles and I was reminded of the day we had met. Images flooded back to me as I feared this would be the last one that would hold her in it. She moved to stand up and I stood with her. I looked her in the eyes and shook my head in a small regret filled motion. 

“Do not go.” Her lip was trembling and all I wanted to do was still it with my own but she was too far. 

“We both need to spend some time…apart.” She was doing her best to keep from sobbing an exercise I knew all too well. 

“Please don’t.” I spoke reaching for her my legs suddenly paralyzed.

“Goodbye Frederick.” And with that she had picked up her purse and was gone. My breathing became erratic and I fell to the floor with a watery sob. 

F: Four days had passed without a call or text. I had stopped going to work and I hadn't showered since she left. Her clothes and books were all around my house, a jacket here, a case brief there. I slept for most of the day and night burying my face in her pillow and soon it was damp with my tears. On the fifth day I didn't sleep at all. I stared at the ceiling of my room and began contemplating what I would do if she never came back. Life had become so unbearable every breath was an ache and every heartbeat a pain. Thats when I heard her voice.

I didn't believe my ears and I cursed my treacherous mind for playing tricks on me. Then I heard the her call again from outside my bedroom. 

“Frederick?” I tried to move but my body stayed still on its side and my face remained pressed deep into her pillow. My bedroom doors opened and I heard that familiar pat of footsteps. 

“Frederick.” I felt the bed shift as she climbed up and moved herself behind me. Her arms wrapped around my chest and her face pressed into the back of my neck. 

“I am sorry.” My voice broke as I spoke still unable to move. 

“It’s all ok now…I’m here. I won’t go. I won’t go. I’m here.” My heart shattered at her words which came confident and sure from her lips onto the skin of my neck. I sobbed and finally turned to face her before pressing my head to her neck and chest. She held me there softly stroking the back of my neck as I cried. My tears and breath dampened her chest quickly against the chill of my bedroom. I had turned the heat off to let my self suffer and now I could not bear that she was suffering as well. She had started to shake and shiver slightly so I pulled away from her and moved her hair from her face with a cold palm. She was mine to protect and I was doing a horrible job. 

“I am so sorry.” I spoke over and over as she shook her head. 

“I was insensitive, I know you trust me. I’m sorry Freddy.” I tilted my head and my eyes stung again.

I moved to get up and she placed a hand on my chest to stop me. 

“Where are you going?” 

I gave her hand a squeeze and moved it back to the mattress. “To turn the heat on, I cannot bear to see you cold.” 

I quickly made my way out of my bedroom which I had not left in days to my laundry room where the thermostat was. I turned on the heat and adjusted the temperature before returning to the bedroom. When I opened the doors she had already stripped the bed and was in the process of remaking it. The curtains were open once again and light flooded the room. She saw me standing there in a truly detestable state and walked to me and placed a hand on my scruff covered jaw and cheek. 

“I love you Frederick, you need to understand that. Even if we aren't together, I’m always with you. I love you, and nothing will change that.” She nodded her head when she finished and I mirrored her to show my understanding. She gave me a feather light kiss then and ushered me to the bathroom. I went inside and began to strip off the clothes I had been wearing for 5 days straight before catching my reflection in the mirror. I looked like death. My eyes were strained and squinty and my complexion grayed and worn. She appeared at the doorway after a few moments probably wondering why the shower hadn't started. I shook my head slowly. 

“Why do you love me?” I wasn't looking for an answer but words came pouring from her lips like poetry, she praised and embraced my very being with her syntax. She told me why she loved me right then and there that day. And I felt myself give way to her completely.


	4. La Vita è Dolore et Camminare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tragedy strikes, testing both Frederick and Reader.

R: As we were making breakfast the next morning the topic of Paris arose despite my careful attempts to steer the conversation away from anything related to it. I had never seen someone look so utterly destroyed and hopeless than Frederick yesterday. I initially regretted ending the argument the way I had but upon reflection I realized that we both needed the space. I had a difficult time falling asleep alone for the first time in what seemed like years but the silence was just what I needed to understand Frederick’s confession. Now he had mentioned it as I was pouring him a cup of coffee and my heart jumped. 

“I think you should go. Is it too late?” He spoke as I placed the pot back into the machine. 

“Kind of, I wrote an email to one of the curators a few days back regretfully denying the invitation.” His face fell and he drummed his fingers on the counter. 

“Can you call them and tell them you have changed your mind?” I shook my head as I reassured him, “Frederick, its really ok. It was outlandish to begin with.” 

He smirked slightly and then lowered his gaze to his cup. “You know, I almost took you to Paris on our first date.” 

I nearly spit my coffee as his words registered in my mind. “You what?” He smiled and blushed drawing little patterns on the white surface with his forefinger.

“I actually price checked a few airlines before returning to reality.” I shook my head with a light laugh. 

“Thank god you did, Jesus Frederick.” 

His expression turned more serious then and he gave me a sure nod. 

“I mean it…I think you should go.” 

“Freddy…” 

“Please try. I cannot live with myself knowing my selfishness was the reason you were denied this opportunity.” His eyes were filled with such sincerity I nodded my head. 

“Ok…I’ll give them a call.” He squeezed my hand over the counter. 

“Thank you.” 

 

F: The day had finally come. Now we were at the airport and she stood in front of me with her carry on bag and a few tears in her eyes. 

“Oh Freddy I don't want to go.” She wrapped her arms around my head and pressed her face into my neck. I took a deep inhale of her hair and her scent that to me was home. 

“You can do this. We will see each other soon.” I spoke not certain if the words were for me or her. She pulled away and cradled my face running a delicate finger over the skin of my cheek. 

“I love you Frederick, so much.” A couple of tears fell from her eyes as she pressed herself against me tightly dropping her bag beside us. 

“You are going to have a wonderful time my love, we will be together again in no time.” I could not believe how well I was handling this. I wove my fingers through her hair and pulled her from her hiding place in my throat. Tracing a familiar pattern over her lips with the thumb of my free hand I sighed as I tried to preserve the memory their feel deep within my mind. I moved my thumb to the side of her mouth and pressed my lips to hers in a deep kiss. I worshiped her taste and warmth as we kissed. A few moments passed and I pulled away knowing she never would. 

“I love you.” She ran her fingers through my hair as I laid my sentiments before her. 

“I love you more.” She giggled at her own response and placed a little kiss on the tip of my nose before rubbing hers on mine in an eskimo kiss. With a final embrace she picked up her bag and walked towards TSA and I watched her go.

About fifteen minutes later she was on the other side of security and she turned to look back to where she knew I would be waiting. She put a hand to her lips and blew it towards me with a little sad smile. I caught it, pressed it to my heart and returned the gesture. She smiled so beautifully rays of light from the large window beside her illuminating the distant gold veins of her hair. My breath caught in my chest and I remembered my promise not to cry. Then she was gone. I stood there for a few minutes just to be close to where she had been. My heart ached with the loss of her presence but I brought myself back to reality and more pressing matters.   
I needed to go speak to Jack Crawford before returning home. Now that she was gone I would confess my knowledge of Hannibal Lecter’s true identity as the Chesapeake Ripper. Thats why I had suggested that she go. Hannibal had a fondness for her and an attraction to her that I did not understand. It seemed to be curiosity more than anything else. And I refused to let him have her. I was her protector and he would have to kill me to keep me from protecting her. 

 

Later that day

R: I arrived at CDG after a 9 hour long plane ride, which thanks to Frederick’s insistence and my late purchase of the ticket was a first class ride. I slept remarkably well and had a wonderful vegan pasta prepared by an on flight chef. This was all too fancy for me and I felt bad enjoying myself so much when I knew other people were packed in the rest of the plane like sardines. I took my phone off airplane mode as I walked through the airport to baggage claim. I picked up the suitcase I had borrowed from Frederick with a heavy huff. I had packed far too much and all of Frederick’s suitcases were bigger than mine. I looked down at my phone to see I had 9 missed calls from Alana Bloom and four from Greg. I initially thought that something had happened in her new relationship with Hannibal but she wouldn't call that many times over something so trivial.   
Jesus what if it was Frederick? My heart sank to my stomach and I felt a wave of nausea over come me. I hit return call and pressed the phones speaker to my ear hurrying to find a more quiet place so I could hear the trilling of the other line. 

“Y/N?!” Alana answered. Oh thank god.

“Alana whats wrong? Is it Frederick?” 

“Where are you Y/N?” 

“I’m in Paris, Alana tell me whats happening!” Her voice choked over the line and I heard her begin to cry.

“I’m so sorry…I’m so sorry Y/N.” 

“Don’t say things like that Alana, talk to me. Where is Frederick?” My voice was demanding but I felt my lungs begin to fill with a sob. I heard her pass the phone to someone as her crying became more distant.

“Y/N. Its Greg. Fredericks here at the hospital.”

“Oh my God, is he ok?”

“He was shot…they’re prepping him for surgery now.”

“Shot?? How…who?” 

“Please just come home as soon as possible. Y/N. Its…its not looking good.” 

I fell to the ground then my eyes wide as if trying to make room for the tears that blurred my vision. Home. I had to get home. I picked my self up and wiped my face and at a near sprint I moved to the arrival and departure screen at the center of the massive room. There was a return flight leaving in 30 minutes. I was getting on that flight and there was not a soul in heaven or hell that could prevent me from running to him the moment that plane touched down. 

 

R: Nothing could have prepared me for the sight of Frederick handcuffed to a hospital bed with bandages covering 80% of his head. A breathing tube protruded from my angel’s lips and connected to a series of monitoring machines all around him. I moved to enter the room but the police officer at the door widened his stance and glared at me refusing to let me pass. I stared up at him and my nostrils flared as the fire in my throat burned hotter and higher into my mouth. I moved again and he blocked me. Alana put a hand on my shoulder and I shoved it off before ramming the officer with all the strength I had causing him to topple slightly to his right.I dove into the room making it a few feet before the officer caught me by my wrists and pulled me backwards. I snapped around and beat at his chest with my small fists and he let out a chuckle as tears fell from my eyes. 

“Let her go.” A strong voice echoed from behind me. 

I whipped around, my hair sticking to the wet of my cheeks and open mouth only to see Jack Crawford standing tall next to Alana. Alana was weeping silently where she stood obviously upset by the scene before her.   
The officer spoke next, “But sir he—“

“LET HER GO.” Jacks voice echoed through my sternum and the officer released his hold on me.  
I made rapid hurried strides to Frederick’s bedside where I grasped his hand tightly. I leaned my body on the bed and pressed my lips to his exposed ear. 

“I’m here baby, I’m here. I love you so much. You’re so brave baby. I love you.” 

I felt my tears drop onto the very limited portion of skin not covered by bandages. I moved to pull his hand to my lips but felt and heard the resistance of metal. I felt anger fill my body and light my bones as I never had before. I turned, sure that the devil himself was in my eyes and glared at Jack who now stood regretfully at the end of Frederick's bed.

“What the FUCK is this?” I shouted feeling my every word reverberate off of the walls of the small room. 

Jack’s eyes widened in shock and for a second I swore I saw fear in them. 

“Officer Bishop remove Dr. Chilton’s restraints.” The officer jumped and did as Jack asked without question. 

I rubbed Frederick’s wrist where the metal had been and kissed at his life line before placing another kiss on the center of his palm. Jack gave me another few moments of quiet before speaking.   
“Its my fault. I jumped to a conclusion that the evidence pointed me to.”

I raised my head from its place next to Frederick's. 

“What the hell are you talking about Jack?” My voice was watery but cold.

“When I confronted him I knew it had all been a set up. The look in his eyes. I’ve sat across from psychopaths and murderers for 30 years and they all have the same look, the same lack of light. But when I looked in his eyes, I knew it couldn't have been him.” 

Jack had continued on as if in a daze not acknowledging my question. So I repeated it. He turned to me then with a great heaviness in his eyes. He pulled a chair from the side of the room to face across of me where I sat. 

“I’m sure Frederick has told you about how he consulted with us for the Ripper case…” An hour passed and then another only to be followed by more. Jack told me everything, even things I was certain he was prohibited by law from revealing to a civilian. 

He finished with a solid and slow, “I am sorry.”  
I shook my head and adjusted my hand around Frederick’s cold one that I had refused to release even as nurses came in and out of the room during Jacks confessional. 

“That won’t help him now Jack.” 

“I know.”

And with that we sat in silence, my eyes never leaving Frederick’s concealed face as the time ticked by. Jack fell asleep in the chair and was soon snoring in soft rumbles. I guessed he feared the Ripper returning to finish the job he had started. I hadn't slept in 24 hours yet I had never felt more awake. Let him try. I would rip the son of a bitch limb from limb with my bare hands before I let him lay a finger on Frederick. I whispered sweet nothings into Frederick’s ear while laying little kisses along the shell around it. I felt a presence and turned to see Alana standing in the doorway. 

“It wasn't him Alana.” I spoke firmly.

“I know. I know.” Her voice was quiet and she kept her eyes low not wanting to look at me or Frederick.

“Jack told me the bullet almost hit you. I’m so glad it didn’t.” Her eyes lifted at that and she shook her head slowly.

“I’m so sorry Y/N…I should have listened to him.” I beckoned for her to come closer and I took her hand in mine with a firm squeeze. 

“Jack explained. I’m just happy you're here.” I gave her a sad smile before releasing her hand.

“Can I get you something from home? Do you need anything?” She offered and I could sense the guilt in her voice.

“I have everything I need in my suitcase, but thank you…thank you so much Alana.” She nodded and returned to her seat in the hall leaving me alone with Frederick. 

Morning came and Jack left with Alana who had been stayed outside the room all night with the police officer. I changed out of my outfit I had been wearing for two days without taking my eyes off Frederick. I put on a loose worn sweater before pulling on some sleep shorts and traded my sports socks for obnoxiously fuzzy ones Frederick liked to rub my feet through. I stayed by his bed as the shadows in the room shifted each hour passing with no change. Doctors and nurses were in and out never once removing his bandages. When night returned again I lifted my eyes from Frederick for a moment to see if anyone was around. Noting the lack of presence I climbed up onto the side of Frederick’s bed and pressed myself against him. He was so cold. I desperately tried to warm him by gathering hospital blankets around us with small sounds of effort. I placed a hand on his chest and felt it rise and fall with the beep of a machine. Everything within me screamed and cried but my face remained emotionless. I curled myself into him as I had done many times before and closed my eyes. 

F: I heard a shot and then the shattering of glass. Silence, darkness and then her voice. “I’m here baby, I’m here. I love you so much. You’re so brave baby. I love you.” Her words sounded so close yet so distant. I pulled at them but it was like climbing a rope with wet hands. I fell further into darkness each time. After an eternity I felt her. 

I could feel my body, I had a body. 

Oh God I can’t breathe, God I’m choking. 

I jolted into consciousness with a violent jerk as repeated gasps and strangled sounds emulated from my mouth. I couldn't move my head. My eyes darted violently back and forth searching for a sign to tell me where I was.

“Frederick baby, stay calm, you're in the hospital. Its ok baby, I’m here, just listen to my voice, I’m here.” Her voice soothed my panic but my throat muscles wouldn't relax and god my face, it ached. 

My face…I couldn't see. 

I attempted to raise a hand to my face but she grasped my wrist and brought it to her mouth instead. 

“Just hold still baby, its ok…its ok.” 

I could hear rushed footsteps enter the room and unfamiliar voices shouting. 

“I’m fine I’m not leaving. I said I’m not leaving.” 

She argued with a male voice and I gripped her hand tightly. 

“I’m right here Frederick. I’m right here.”

 

R: Frederick was in the hospital for 2 weeks. In and out of surgeries, some more cosmetic than others. Greg my doctor friend who had met Frederick long ago on our first date was visiting us from time to time, checking Frederick’s charts and updating me on the process. Three days after he arrived in the hospital the doctor removed the bandages. 

Frederick begged me not to watch. 

Since he had woken up only a few hours before he was still struggling to grasp what had happened. When the doctor thought Frederick was present enough he attempted to delicately describe the consequences of his injury. Frederick had gripped my hand so tightly his knuckles turned white and I watched the light fade from his only working eye. He was going to be partially blind for the rest of his life. He would need a prosthetic if he wanted to hide the damage done to the side of his face. Words and words poured from the older man’s mouth but all I could hear was Frederick stifling his inevitable sobs. It was then that the doctor excused himself for a moment to find a nurse to assist him in the removal of the complex weaving of bandages holding Frederick’s face. I moved to him instantly as the doctors footsteps receded, gingerly allowing him to cry into my chest. I had seen him cry before but god never like this. My heart burned and split knowing there was nothing I could do. I said the only words I knew he would want to hear over and over again my arms holding him securely to my chest. 

“I love you Frederick, I love you.” 

When the doctor returned 10 minutes later Frederick had already fallen into a solemn silence as if in mourning. The doctor addressed me instead of him noting Frederick’s unstable state. I positioned Frederick’s torso so the nurse and doctor could reach his face and they began removing the layers of bandages. 

Frederick’s eye slowly rolled to me and in a mumbled and hindered voice he begged me, “Please do not look. Please.” 

I wrapped my arms around one of his large ones. 

“Baby it doesn't bother me, it changes nothing.” 

He closed his eye and I saw a tear fall over the skin his swollen cheek.

“Please.” 

I squeezed his arm and rubbed it gently and nodded. “Ok…ok…I’m right here…squeeze my hand baby.” 

The final layer of bandages was about to be pulled away and Frederick watched me carefully to ensure that I wouldn't see what the doctor was about to uncover. I closed my eyes and kissed his shoulder firmly burying my nose in the cloth of his hospital gown. He squeezed my hand even tighter and I knew he must be in pain. The doctor and nurse examined his injuries for a few minutes, opening his mouth, removing gauze and checking stitches. I placed a hand on Frederick’s chest to calm him after the doctor warned that the next part might hurt. Frederick let out a horrific wail of pain and I heard the nurse gasp. I kissed Frederick’s shoulder again and again trying to make amends for the suffering he was enduring. Finishing the physical portion of the exam the doctor pulled away and reached for Frederick’s chart making a few notes. Then he ensured us both that Frederick was healing exceptionally fast and the damage wasn't as bad as he had expected. That did little to comfort Frederick. Bandages were then reapplied but less in quantity and thickness than before. The nurse gave Frederick a cocktail of pills for swelling, fighting infection and pain. Then we were alone again. I opened my eyes and found him looking at me. What was left of his hair was now visible, half of his head had been shaved and the other half was matted down from the previous pressure of the bandages. Tears welled in my eyes and I fought them with a small smile, reassuring Frederick of my love. He moved a hand to my face and ran the back of his knuckles over my upturned cheekbone. 

“I am sorry.” His voice was low and small. 

“Frederick no, you have nothing to be sorry for.” 

His eye closed and then opened newly filled with tears. “If you were not repulsed by me before you surely will be now.” His words were slurred and cold but his hand gripped mine still contradicting his diction.  
“I could never be repulsed by you. I love you. Don't ever say things like that.” I felt him tense as I shifted my embrace resting my head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his middle. 

The truth of the change in position was that I had lost control of the emotions that had built up over the last three days and I didn't want him to see me cry. His arm came around me and pulled me flush against his side. 

We laid like that for hours both of us drifting in and out of sleep together and separately. Nurses came in and out adjusting and checking machines before shuffling quietly back into the hall. One placed a light hand on my shoulder and asked if I needed something to eat. It had been days since I had eaten anything. But I couldn't stomach the thought of chewing and swallowing so I shook my head no and thanked her. Thats when Frederick spoke surprising us both by betraying the facade of sleep he had been displaying. 

“Bring her dinner.” I tried to protest and assure him I wasn't hungry but he somehow through the small portion of his exposed face gave me the saddest look and I felt my heart stop.

“Ok…Ok baby,” I turned back to the nurse then and spoke softly “I’ll take whatever you have ready.” 

The nurse nodded and left to return with a hospital tray of warm chicken noodle soup and sides which she laid out on Frederick’s over the bed table. I hesitated to eat and just moved the plastic spoon through the steaming soup scooping and stirring hoping for Frederick to fall back asleep.

“Please eat.” His face was turned towards me and his eye fixed on mine despite the show I was putting on with my spoon. I put a hand on his thigh and nodded before taking a spoonful into my mouth. I saw him relax as I repeated the action before opening some of the side dishes and partaking in those as well. 

“Thank you.” He whispered. I gave him a little smile and rubbed a slow circle on his thigh before placing a clean lipped kiss over his eye. 

“I love you.” I reminded him returning to the food after a momentary embrace. 

“I love you too.” 

R: The days came and went some long and others short. Frederick's recovery was nothing short of miraculous and the doctors marveled at his progress. He was fitted for temporary prosthetics and a few contact lenses at his request. His mood had been dark and heavy, cheering only when I crawled into the bed with him to sleep at night. The act was typically forbidden but the doctors had made an exception after a few pissy comments from Frederick that had left me stifling giggles. Greg brought me blankets and pillows from my apartment and soon the hospital room was more cozy and Frederick looked far more comfortable. Things were getting better. Frederick was expected to be discharged in a few days and the doctor recommended that I leave to prepare my apartment for his return. Obviously we couldn't return to Frederick’s house, Jack Crawford had the crime scene cleaners scrub the place within an inch of its life but I suggested it and Frederick had paled at the thought. I immediately offered my apartment and his demeanor changed drastically at which I smiled. However I refused to leave Frederick’s side and so I figured we would just have to wing the entire transition. I gave Frederick’s keys to Greg and he kindly packed a good portion of Frederick’s clothes into one of Frederick’s suitcases and brought it to my apartment. 

We checked out of the hospital with a list of medications, prescriptions and instructions on how to change his bandages. I listened carefully to what the doctor said and promised to have Frederick back at the hospital in a week for a check up exam. The drive home was hard and longer than I thought it would be. When we got to the apartment I helped Frederick into bed before clearing off my bedside table and lining up dozens of yellow orange bottles. I bustled around before unpacking Frederick’s suitcase and placing his clothes in drawers alongside mine. I settled in bed next to him and began to read over the thick packet describing the drugs and their side effects that the doctor had handed me on our way out. I noticed Frederick watching me as I flipped through the many pages my eyes bouncing from one edge to another. I turned to him with a little smile and gave his hand a squeeze.

“Are you hungry?” He shook his head slightly. 

“Thirsty?” Another shake. 

“What is it?”   
He looked at me with an odd sort of emotion in his eye and then spoke. “You can leave me.” 

I repeated his words mentally trying to find another meaning besides what he clearly intended to convey. 

“Frederick—“ 

“I will not blame you. I will not stop you. You do not deserve this.” His voice was surprisingly steady and I got the distinct feeling he had been rehearsing the words for days. 

I then did something that surprised me. I smiled. Widely. Confusion presented itself on Frederick’s face and it made me smile even wider. 

“Oh hush you silly man.” I spoke and kissed him on the exposed skin of his face before taking his hand in mine and kissing it too.

“I am serious.” He stated but I could hear relief in his voice. 

“Me too. Now go to sleep.” 

He moved closer to me and I swear I could see smile lines form around his eyes. “What if I do not want to go to sleep?” 

This child. 

I raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. “Oh really?” 

He nodded. “I cannot fall asleep with you smelling like a hospital.” 

I laughed for the first time in weeks my chest glowing and rising with the glorious sound. 

“Touché you smell exactly the same my dear.”

He moved to stand and I inquired as to where he thought he was going. 

“To take a shower, now.” 

I shook my head and reminded him of what the doctor had said. 

“I promise I will not get the bandages wet.” 

I shook my head again. And he sighed heavily. 

“Fine then. I did not want it to come to this.” 

He lifted himself up from the bed and I moved to his side afraid he would fall. 

“Come to what? What are you doing?” 

“You, he corrected, are giving me a bath.” 

I pretended to mull it over before feigning hesitancy. “I suppose thats the best way for me to ensure you don't disobey the doctor’s orders. But I’m going to warn you now, I’m in charge, understand?”

He nodded somewhat happily and I helped him into the bathroom. 

As he undressed I couldn't believe how hesitant he still was about being nude in front of me. I sat on the edge of the clawfoot tub and dangled my fingers under the heavy stream of water making certain it was neither too hot or too cold. I heard him begin to stumble so I rushed to him and he gripped me for support. 

“Hey, hey, hey…let me.” I spoke softly. 

I leaned him against the sink and found the edge of his shirt before pulling it gingerly over his bandaged head. He raised his arms to aid me and then quickly lowered them across his stomach. I discarded the shirt to the laundry basket and ran my hands over his broad shoulders which had risen in tension. My hands wandered to his chest where I pressed them firmly. I kissed his neck gingerly before leaving little wet nibbles on his collarbone. I heard him moan and I smiled before remembering what my original task was. I reached to the loose waistband of his sweatpants and boxer briefs and gave them a little tug. Soon he was bare before me and it felt strange seeing how I was fully clothed. 

“Come on,” I wrapped my small hand around his larger one and led him to the tub now full with water and lightly scented vanilla soap. I helped him into the bath and knelt beside it as he sighed in relief and relaxation. 

“Is the water good baby?” He hummed his confirmation and reached for the arm I had dangling in the water. 

“Join me.” 

I laughed softly and shook my head with a small tsk tsk tsk. “I’m in charge remember, now lie back.” 

He did as I said and closed his eye. I washed what remained of his hair with careful and controlled movements, making certain no water got on or under his bandages. He made the sweetest little sounds almost purring as my hands scratched lightly at his scalp. I washed his back and chest next with little giggles as he ran his hands up and down my working arm kneading and massaging my muscles slowly. I laughed even harder when he raised a leg from the tub splashing me with a sudden wave of water.

“Freddy!” I scolded him playfully before scrubbing the offending leg clean. 

I folded a towel on the end of the tub and gestured for him to lift his feet. He did so, careful that the water only reached the edge of his collarbones. I worked the tired muscles of his feet with both hands, rubbing each and every toe before rolling my knuckles into the arch of his foot. I had done this a few times before for him and I knew exactly what he liked. His days at BSHCI left him spent and achy so I had become quite the masseuse for my dear Frederick. Finishing both feet I resumed my job with my loofah reaching for his stomach. His hands found my arms and they gripped me tightly. I began to ask him what he was doing before the answer was quickly revealed.   
With a surprising amount of strength he pulled me off my perch on the side of the tub and into the water. I squealed loudly and heard him rumble with laughter. Water sloshed over the sides of the tub and onto the tiled floors with the sudden addition of another body. I scolded him repeatedly but nestled into his familiar embrace despite myself. I hummed at the warmth of the water and Frederick’s touch and noticed he did the same. I closed my eyes at the feel of his arms wrapping around my middle and sighed when his fingers spread and flexed possessively over the skin of my stomach. As we relaxed I was careful not to drift off though every part of me wanted to. I felt Frederick’s breathing grow tired and I moved to climb out of the tub. He made sounds of protest but I insisted we both go to bed. Removing my soaked clothes I toweled off before putting on my robe and then proceeded to help him out of the tub. He hugged me tightly to him getting my body and robe wet all over again but I didn't care. 

How close had I been to never feeling his arms around me again?

Greg had spoken to me at the hospital in hushed tones while Frederick was sleeping. He told me that Frederick shouldn't have made it and that if he had been shot any higher or lower he would have been killed instantly. Greg’s words hadn't truly sunk in until now and I began to cry burying myself in his chest and pulling him close with my arms under his.

Now it was his turn to comfort me. He hummed little songs in my ear like he would when I couldn't sleep and stroked my hair while not allowing an inch of space to come between us. 

“I love you, I am here.” The words that he spoke then would echo in my ears for years to come.   
Back in bed we both fell asleep tightly wound in each other, as much as Frederick’s injury would allow. Our legs and arms knit a pattern only we knew and the rise and fall of our chests soothed the other into a much needed deep sleep.


	5. Libri in Fiamme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frederick's recovery begins, reader takes care of Frederick and brings him back to life.

F: She cared for me so well and so tenderly. Anything I wanted or needed she provided without question or hesitation. Two weeks had passed since I was discharged from the hospital and she had still not seen my newest deformity. Every time I had to change my bandages I would go into her bathroom and shut the door before she could protest. She would sit with her back against the door and talk to me as I exchanged gauze and wrappings. Looking in the mirror at myself was the hardest part. My contact lenses had come yesterday and the prosthetic for my mouth would be arriving today or tomorrow. 

I hadn't left her apartment since my discharge primarily on the advice of Jack Crawford who finally believed me about Hannibal Lecter. Crawford had suggested that I stay out of sight and mind, allowing Lecter no knowledge of my whereabouts. Wanting to keep her safe I agreed. It was only after hanging up the phone with Jack Crawford that I realized I would probably never leave the apartment again. I had seen my face in her mirror and it was truly disgusting. My face looked as if it would slide right off and my eye had taken on a milky dead color. The doctor had offered to remove it and fit me for a glass eye but I had refused, hopeful that my sight would return. 

My biggest fear now was letting her see me. 

I no longer doubted her love for me or her trust in me. I only doubted the strength of her stomach. 

As I changed the gauze on my face in the light of the early morning I heard the door shake with the weight of her sliding down against it. I had purposely awoken early as to not trouble her with this process. It broke my heart thinking of her sitting on the floor alone in the hall but I reminded myself it would hurt her much more if she saw how I truly looked. 

“Baby, are you ok?” Her voice was still coated in sleep and came through the door slightly muffled but discernible.

“Um…yes…I am sorry I woke you. I did not want you to have to deal with this today.” I cleared my throat before dabbing some of my medicated ointment onto the circular wound on my cheek.

“Its no trouble Frederick, I love you and I wish you would let me help you.” I could tell she was a bit upset but I blamed it on the early hour rather than my unwillingness to accept her many offers of help.

“Go back to bed, I will return soon.” I replied eager to have her back in the warm sheets and blankets of her bed instead sitting of the cold wooden floors.

“I’ll wait.” Her tone was final and I sighed knowing arguing would get me nowhere. I continued with the process and she sang softly many tunes blending into one. She had become a big fan of Elvis Presley as of recent and his songs were featuring quite frequently in her quiet melodies. I could not help myself and I began singing along with her. I heard her giggle and lean further onto the door before singing a little louder. Once my process was complete I decided to reveal my new contact lenses by testing one out. Up until that moment I had kept the entire side of my face wrapped including my eye. It was not as if it hindered my vision, my vision was gone. But now I looked myself over making certain the left side and bottom half of my face was concealed securely before moving to the door. I knocked on it twice, that had become our code so she could safely move before I pulled the door open. 

“All better baby?” She asked before looking up at me. I looked down at her trying to gauge her reaction to my contact. She smiled so happily my heart swelled at the sight. She had brought a blanket with her from bed and was curled up on the floor only her fluffy socks sticking out from under her knitted blanket. 

“Lets go to back to bed…hmm?” She reached for me and I pulled her up, blanket and all. She wove a hand under my arm and behind my back so she could grip at my waist. 

Back in her bed we were both under numerous blankets and I was propped up on three pillows. She had laid her head on my chest and was running her delicate fingers through the hair on my chest. She pressed a kiss near where her hand was rubbing and I felt her eyes flutter shut and her breath become steady. I assumed she was back asleep but then she spoke.

“Remember our first real night together…after dinner…when you told me you trusted me?”

“Of course.” A pause as we both reminisced in the passion we had shared that night.

“Why can’t you trust me now?” That made my blood run cold.

“This is different and I do trust you. I am trying to protect you.” This was the truth. I wanted nothing more than to keep her safe and if that meant I had to upset her slightly then so be it. 

“Frederick, nothing is going to change the way I love you. I trust you completely and I expect the same in return.”

“Then trust me now, you do not want to see this.”

“Frederick—“

“Please go back to sleep. We can talk about this further when you wake up.” I regretted the last sentence knowing it doomed me to argue with her on an issue I refused to budge. 

“Ok…thank you. I love you. Please know that.” Her voice was becoming heavier and I smiled. I wished it was that easy for me to drift in and out of sleep in the morning.

“I do…and I love you more than you will ever know. Now sleep my love.” I stroked her hair as I spoke feeling the weight of her head shift ever so slightly each time I breathed. 

 

F: I was finally learning the art of sleeping in late. With nothing else to do and no where to go I found myself lingering in bed for as long as possible. She was worried I was becoming depressed and requested that I see a psychiatrist at which I retorted that I was seeing a psychiatrist every day. I was referring to myself. She did not find it amusing. Rather she had sighed and placed a kiss on my forehead before bidding me a farewell. She had started work again and was beginning to prep for the bar exam. It made me happy to see her busy again, she thrived in the chaos and it was a beautiful thing to witness. 

It was about 4 weeks into my “house arrest” that I began down the dark hole of Netflix documentaries. I had managed to watch a few of them back when I still had a schedule but after we had begun our relationship they no longer held my interest. Suddenly here I was forty-five minutes deep in a documentary about North Korea when I had an idea. A book. I would write a book. What a fantastic way to bring myself back to the forefront of psychiatry and capitalize on the lust for criminal thrillers that the American public seemed to have. Of course I would wait until Lecter was apprehended to publish it, but there was nothing stopping me from beginning it now. 

“Hannibal the Cannibal.” I muttered to myself, repeating the line I had spoken to Jack Crawford ages ago. 

I moved to her desk and gathered a few pieces of printer paper and a blank legal pad before sitting down again, this time in her chair. I felt excitement rush through my arms and I bit the edge of one of her pins as I mused over where to begin. 

 

R: I could tell Frederick was getting a bit of cabin fever. When I was home he would follow me through the apartment like a puppy, his wide eyes observing my every motion. He told me he was happy, just a little “under-stimulated”. Crawford’s insistence that Frederick should not leave my apartment (unless he was going to the hospital for a check up) was serious and Jack ensured me that he was close to catching the Ripper. 

This particular evening I had gone to the grocery and picked out some of Frederick’s favorites as well as a list of ingredients he had requested. He was a fantastic cook but before his newest assault we had never had the time to enjoy his talent. I carried the numerous bags up the three flights of stairs before setting a few down so I could unlock the door. I opened it and heard nothing. I left the bags where I had set them and called his name. Nothing. Panic filled my chest and I felt my breathing become labored. I called for him again and again before moving down the hallway into the living room. Nothing. I checked the bathroom and the kitchen quickly before my hands came to grip the doorway of my bedroom. He was outside on the small balcony twirling a pen in his fingers and reading something off one of my legal pads. 

“Frederick!” I exclaimed in relief before rushing towards him. 

His eyes found me and widened in confusion, “Hello…is something wrong?”

“I called your name and you didn't answer, and then I couldn't find you.” My breath was still hard to catch as I pulled him into an embrace in which he kissed the top of my head firmly.

“I am sorry I worried you, I just needed fresh air. I am working on something.” His working eye twinkled as he spoke and it made my heart flutter happily.

“What is it?” I asked eagerly wanting to fully understand and support whatever was making him so excited. 

“I am writing a book. It will be an analysis of the infamous Chesapeake Ripper. Most of it will be based on psychological terminology but I am also considering writing a second book on my… experience at his hands.” 

I looked up at him from where I was pressed against his chest, “That sounds interesting, but how can you write about the Ripper when you don’t know his identity or really anything concrete about him?”

I saw him pale and he quickly cleared his throat before looking away. His actions were a direct contradiction to my previous question. He was hiding something.

“You told me you didn't see him…Frederick…do you know who the Ripper is?” My eyes widened to match the width of his before he spoke again.

“Yes.”

“Have you told Jack Crawford?”

“Yes, not that he listened the first time.” He mumbled the last bit of his sentence while avoiding eye contact with me.

I wanted so desperately to be angry with him and scold him for not telling me who had harmed him and framed him so horrifically but all I felt was sadness that he had been bearing this burden alone. It must have been someone he knew.

“Who is it Frederick?” My voice wavered when his eyes hit mine and I saw him tilt his head to the side before he shook it slowly.

“It is going to be taken care of. You do not need to worry.” His words were confident but I could sense he was afraid. 

I wanted to press the question and make him reveal the identity of the monster who had done this to him but instead I kissed him and placed a hand on his un-bandaged cheek. 

“Ok. I trust you.” The words flowed from my mouth and I meant them. His eyebrows raised together as he watched my eyes move across his face.

I turned then and he caught my hand with a question. “Where are you going?”

I chuckled softly at how clingy he had become and turned my palm up to grasp his.

“Come on, I bought groceries remember?” 

The corner of his mouth lifted in a slight smile and he followed me back into the apartment and to the front door where I had left the paper bags. 

“Did you get them?” His voice suddenly sounding childlike as he picked up a few bags to carry into the kitchen.

“Yes Frederick I got your Lucky Charms.” I spoke teasingly while setting the bags out on the counter. I turned to see him directly behind me and I gave a little gasp at his sudden closeness.  
He cupped my face in his hands and stared at me with a strange look in his eyes. I raised my own hands to his forearms and grazed them slightly with my fingertips. 

“What is it?” I asked a bit concerned at the look he was giving me.

“I love you.” His voice was watery and small. I was unsure of what had happened in the last thirty seconds that made him so emotional.

“I know baby, I know…I love you too.” I moved my lips to his and he held me there in a long kiss. Forgetful I pushed my tongue past his lips and tasted the metal and plastic of his prosthetic. 

I didn't care, but I knew he was sensitive about it. I expected him to pull away but he didn’t, instead he deepened the kiss and pressed his tongue to mine. I moved a hand around the back of his neck and wove my fingers into the coarse hair that had begun to grow back as well as the thick wealth of hair that hadn't been cut. He tilted his head and pushed his mouth even more feverishly into mine before reaching down and lifting me back onto the counter. 

I wrapped my legs around his lower back and pulled his torso flush with mine. He groaned and gripped my face tighter as we both breathed each other in. I reached for the fabric of his shirt and he raised his arms to aid me in removing it. I tossed the shirt to the floor and ran my hands over his exposed skin before he pressed himself to me once again. My hands went for his pajama pants and he moaned at the sensation of me running my fingers along the waistbands edge. His hands found my back again and he pulled me up with a bounce before carrying me into my bedroom.

We fell onto the bed and he bit tenderly at my neck as I moved my hands down the warm muscles of his back. I managed to push his pants down to past the rise of his ass before his lips found mine again. Everything was so heated and frantic it made me dizzy. He moaned into the skin of my neck as he moved against me, both of us beginning to sweat. He had me undressed in no time and ran his hands over the skin of my stomach before gripping my sides tightly and to press his face into it. His tongue trailed downwards and his lips followed the former’s path and soon he had me melting into the sheets.The snap of his hips into mine knocked the breath from my lungs and my hands frantically tried to grip at his back but they couldn’t stop grasping at his skin. 

Suddenly everything was on fire and my back arched as I became overwhelmed with the chaos of sensations. I heard him cry my name as he buried his face in my neck, momentarily stilling before collapsing on top of me. His arms were shaking and his breathing was heavy against the skin below my jaw. I ran my fingers over his forearms and biceps trying to soothe the muscles there. He whimpered softly into my skin as I kissed at the top of his head. We fell asleep soon after that, an enormous sense of peace washing over both of us. And needless to say the lions share of groceries on the counter ended up being thrown out…save Frederick’s Lucky Charms.


	6. Siamo Rinati

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge life changes affect Reader and Frederick.

F: Today was it. We had finally finished moving everything out of my house and into a storage space. My grandmothers piano along with my furniture and collection of wine had all been carried carefully from the house and as I stood in the doorway looking in it was hard to tell anyone had ever been there. I had decided I would not go in. She held my hand as I stood at the front door and sighed. 

“Is something wrong?” I asked turning to face her.

“We had so many firsts here Frederick…I guess I’m feeling a little nostalgic.”

“Do you need to go in?” I asked hesitantly.

“Not if it makes you uncomfortable, I understand why you haven’t.” She spoke giving me a little squeeze on my arm.

It had been painstaking trying to instruct the movers from my position at the front door. Her drawer of gifts had been emptied carefully into a small suitcase which I now held in my free hand. The collection had grown since I had given her the necklace which she wore almost everyday. Seeing it around her neck made me want to give her a more meaningful piece of jewelry…one that she could wear on her finger. She leaned her head against my shoulder and I kissed the crown of her head as we gazed into the empty house. 

“I suppose its the memories that matter, not where they happened.” She expressed suddenly.

“We have plenty of those. And I hope for many more in the future.” I spoke freely no longer carrying any inhibitions in my speech.

“Me too.” She pressed a kiss to my shoulder and then reached for the doorknob before pausing.

“Come on…together.” She gestured for me to mirror her movements and I complied reaching for the handle with her. 

We pulled the door shut together and I breathed a heavy sigh as it clicked shut. I felt as if I were closing a chapter in my life. This was the end of my solitude and the beginning of everything. One final glance and we were in her car where she squeezed my hand with a smile.

“Home?” She asked.

“Home.” Little did she know as I spoke that I was already home. I would always be home where ever she was.

 

R: Back at my apartment Frederick’s suitcases and a few boxes were lined up in the living room looking out of place and very much in the way. I suggested that we start unpacking at which he groaned and rolled his eyes. I choked back a laugh at his dramatics and set to work on his boxes at which he reluctantly joined me. 

There was the photo album along with some medical textbooks. Then a few boxes of sculptures and art along with some bathroom supplies. Fredericks suitcases were absolutely stuffed and I had no idea where all of his suits and shirts would go. His previous closet had been massive, a room of its own really and my bureau was no match for it. I conveyed this to Frederick and he nodded a sad agreement. 

Soon everything had been put in its new place and we were collapsed on the couch in each others arms. I pushed at one of his toes with a few of mine attempting to extract a laugh or a smile from him but he had fallen quiet and was now staring at the ceiling. 

“Is everything ok?” I quietly spoke while tracing a slow circle on his slightly unbuttoned dress shirt. 

“Hmm?” 

“You’ve been very quiet for the past couple of minutes…what’re you thinking about?” I added a hint of playfulness on my words in hopes of brining him out of his shell.

“I do not mean to be presumptuous.” He stated not speaking further.

“What do you mean?” I inquired genuinely curious at what he could be thinking.

“Are we living together?” His voice was slightly lowered and carried a few drops of hesitation.

“Well my dear we have been for a few months now…but I guess your empty house and all these boxes makes it official.” I laughed a little and gave his chest a small pat. 

He looked down at me with a happy smile while bending his arm to move a strand of hair from my face. 

“That makes me very happy.” I could sense the truth of his words by his tone.

“Good. I still don’t know what we’re going to do with all of your handsome suits.” I pressed my face to the side of his chest once more as he chuckled softly, the vibrations rippling through his body.

“I am not worried. It seems I will not be needing them anytime soon.” 

This sentence troubled me. I knew how much he enjoyed dressing up and reveling in his own style. While he was mostly confined to the apartment it pained me to see him losing such a big part of himself.

“Ah don’t be so sure, my birthday is next week and I would like nothing more than to see you all dressed up.” I spoke giving him a long stroke down his chest.   
He gave a little moan at my touch and stopped my hand before it could go any further.

“Can we just lay here a bit longer?” He asked to my surprise.

“Of course.” I stretched to plant a kiss on his jaw before settling back into the comfort of his body. I fell asleep to Frederick stroking my hair slowly and humming Elvis Presley. 

 

F: Everything was wrapped perfectly. I had her favorite dessert chilling in the refrigerator and one of my most expensive wines on the counter along with two glasses. She was going to be home soon. My hands were shaking in anticipation. I tried to calm myself by reminiscing about that morning. 

I had woken up early knowing I would not have much time to put my elaborate plan into action. First were the gifts, I pulled each one from its respective hiding place and brought them all carefully to the foot of our bed. Our bed. God that felt wonderful. I spoke it softly as I looked down on her sleeping body, still bare from last nights pre-birthday festivities. I smirked as I flipped through an album of Polaroid-like images in my mind. God she was wild, God she was free. I wanted so badly to fall back into bed and nestle myself in her embrace but I had to focus.

As I was sneaking out of our bedroom I stubbed my pinkie toe on the doorway and squeezed my eyes shut with a muffled groan. Damn it…no…ok she’s still asleep…thank God. Now to the kitchen where I was going to make her the best breakfast of her life. Or so I thought. I started the coffee maker and began mixing some eggs together before cutting up mushrooms, spinach and tomatoes. I placed those in the soupy mixture and stirred it thoroughly. Omelettes should be very easy to make. Should be. In an unfortunate series of events there was a small fire that I managed to put out with very little sound. All this effort in the name of silence made me feel as if I were Charlie Chaplin. Once I regained control I began my work on some fruit yogurt with granola. She liked that. Breakfast was finished perfectly on time and with a satisfied breath I carried the dishes into the bedroom and prepared to awake the Kraken.

Setting the dishes on the over the bed table she had bought me for the harder days of my recovery, I sat myself on the side of the bed and reached to rub her hip. I had learned this was the best way to wake her up. Arms, no, hair, no, hips…well…that always seemed to put her in a good mood. She hummed lightly and stretched her arms above her head with a little moan. God the sounds she made. Her eyes opened and I marveled at their beauty as they awoke and took in the room. 

“Good morning my love, Happy Birthday.” I spoke quietly before meeting her halfway for a light lipped kiss. 

“Mmmm…what smells so good?” Her voice was always groggy in the morning and I adored it.

“I made you breakfast, I hope it’s enough.”

“Well my love…after last night…I’m starving.” She smirked at me and rolled her lip between her teeth. A deep blush rose behind my cheeks and I was thankful she could only see one. 

“There are also…gifts…when you are ready.” I cleared my throat and motioned to the small mountain of presents I had constructed near the foot of the bed. 

“Oh my God…Freddy!” Her tone was a mix of scolding and excitement which made me smile widely. 

“Now eat…we only have 2 hours before you have to go to work.”

“Hmmm…it sounds like you have something up your sleeve. Do I want to know?” She spoke while eagerly taking a fork full of the omelette with a small hum of approval. 

“All in good time. Now eat.” 

I beamed as she complimented my cooking and reached for me again. Now it was my turn to scold her. Despite a half stern look she persisted and her delicate hand found my thigh and after a light squeeze rested there. She knew I could not deny her and she played to that knowledge oh so well. After a few playful exchanges she had finished breakfast and drank her coffee dry. I got up from my place on the bed and lifted the gifts from the floor so that she could open them without getting up. Each one she marveled and praised before shaming me for spending so much money. I grew more at ease with every present knowing from her reactions that she truly liked them. 

She was all giggles and smiles when she finished, resulting in a sudden burst of confidence for me. I gathered the excess wrapping paper and bags from around her and placed them into a trash bag I had waiting. I looked back at her to see her laying on her side almost expectantly and I was unsure what she wanted.

“If you want to be ready on time you will need to shower now.” I reminded her, knowledgeable of how she keeps to a military like schedule in the morning. 

She frowned at that and I felt confusion cloud over my mind. Did I forget something? 

“I was hoping…” She spoke softly averting her gaze from me.

I moved closer to where she was on the bed and watched her carefully determined to grant her anything she wished. But she stayed silent and instead plucked at the sheets of our bed in patterned movements. 

“Yes?”

“Nevermind…you’re right. I need to get ready.” 

For once I was not going to let her go without finding out exactly what she needed. 

“My love, what is it, anything you want…it is yours, just name it.” I spoke catching her wrist as she moved to turn away.

“Really Freddy?” The candor of her voice made my heart swell and my mind burn with affection. 

“I promise.” I put a hand to her cheek, attempting to caress the words from her mouth.

She did not speak again, instead she brought her lips crashing into mine eliciting a gasp from both of us. Her hands pulled me down over her and she moved them rhythmically over my back and sides before removing my shirt. Her hands were like silk smoothing over and against my skin making me whimper into her open mouth. I moved my hands and fell to the side of her so I could feel her skin under my palms. My hands found her hips and explored upward from there into territory I had come to know so well. Each curve and bone was etched into my memory, these were memories that I would keep long after I had forgotten my own name. I pressed kisses up her stomach and chest, neglecting nothing. When I reached her face again she stopped me with a palm on my cheek. 

“Would you take it off?” She begged softly still a little breathless.

“What do you mean?” I knew exactly what she meant and it made my heart pound.

“The mask, the prosthetic and the contact.” She listed quickly.

“You do not want—“ I tried to speak but she interrupted me almost instantly.

“I want you Frederick…all of you. Please.” Her eyes met mine with such want and love that I believed her.

“Ok…Ok.” I moved off the bed and began the walk to our bathroom but I noticed she was hot on my heels. 

“What are you doing?” I asked but she silenced me with a little kiss and wrapped her arms around one of mine. 

In the bathroom mirror I stood as I had so many times before only this time she stood beside me looking at me with all the adoration in the world. 

I began my routine with a shaky sigh at which she pressed her mouth into my shoulder in a kiss. First was the contact. I watched her face for any signs of fear or repulsion but she simply smiled at me and it gave me the courage to continue. I removed the bandage I had left over my wound which was now healed into a scar. I had only kept the bandage over it for her, I had not wanted her to see how large it was. Now the prosthetic. I could barely open my mouth in fear and as I managed to pry it open she kissed my shoulder over and over again in promises of acceptance. I removed it entirely and shut my eyes as I felt the sag and weight of gravity take over. 

Not a moment passed before she was in front of me, her back pressed against the sink and her hands on my face. I flinched slightly in a phantom pain but she smoothed over the skin as she had done so many times before the injury. She pressed her lips to mine and spoke into them over and over. 

“I love you Frederick, I love you.” 

I opened my eyes in disbelief. My chest shook as I breathed and everything in me wanted to sing with joy but cry in relief. I enveloped her in my arms and drew her to my chest. Her hands moved to my back where she rubbed peaceful circles up and down my muscles. Her fingertips became her nails and she gently scratched long lines from my shoulders to my lower back. I lifted her nearly effortlessly as she giggled and wrapped her legs around my waist. 

I tossed her lightly onto the bed and removed my briefs before joining her. Everything was glorious. The rays of sun illuminated every fleck of gold in her eyes and hair. She was glowing. There were moments I would find myself completely lost and in awe of her beauty. To hold her and to be near her was orgasmic in it of itself. I let myself go in her embrace and laughed along with her little giggles. My happiness was indescribable. 

Now I was waiting for her to come home. I fondled the small Cartier box in the silken pocket of my nicest dress pants and I felt my heart pound harder within my chest. My focus was heightened by the rush of adrenaline I felt when I heard her key in the door. I straightened but despite myself I felt my eyes widen and my palms begin to sweat. This was it. 

 

R: I turned my key in the lock happily thinking about the morning Frederick and I had shared. All day at work I had been lost in thought, blushing and biting my lower lip as I remember his hands and all the places they had traveled. Now I couldn’t wait to see him, kiss him and remind him how I loved him. His expression when he had removed the prosthetic and bandages still haunted me. He looked absolutely heartbroken, as if surely it was the end. That look had made me want to take him into my arms and hold him forever. 

I pushed the door open with my hip and kicked off my heels. I noticed something on the floor and I paused to give it a second look. Rose petals? Oh God. Frederick was so over the top, its just my birthday after—

My heart stopped when I entered the living room, there were candles everywhere and Christmas lights were strung on the walls enveloping the room in a hazy yellow glow. My eyes hit him then, Frederick was standing in the open space between the living room and the hallway dressed in the nicest suit I had ever seen. It hugged his waist and shoulders so perfectly I was convinced he was born to wear that suit and no other. I was lost for words and had no idea what all this was for. He slowly approached me then took my portfolio and books from my arms before setting them on my desk. Frederick turned back to me and reached for my hands. I tried to discern the look on his face but I couldn’t get a proper read on him. 

“My love, since the moment I saw you…I…you have made me happy.” He cleared his throat and I could see tears begin to make their way down his cheek. 

“You tell me that I am a good man…a kind man. If I am it is because of you. You make me better. I strive to be better because of you. You are accepting, your grace and kindness…I have never known their equal. You have stayed by my side…through everything.”

He raised a hand to my face and ran his large thumb over my cheekbone that had become wet with my tears. 

Then with a voice barely over a whisper he spoke, “You are…everything…to me.” 

Suddenly he was on his knee in front of me and I gasped softly before making an attempt to muffle myself with my free hand. He kissed the hand he held before reaching into his pocket and opening a small red box. Diamonds glinted and shined from their small home and I heard him speak again.

“I promise to love you and protect you for the rest of my life. I will never leave you and I will never hurt you. I love you more than you will ever know. Y/N…will you marry me?”

I choked on a happy sob and a gasp before nodding furiously at which he also began to sob through a toothy smile. I loved the way his face completely changed when he smiled this way, his whole being seemed to light up and it made my heart sing.

“Yes, yes Frederick. I love you, yes!” I exclaimed when I was finally able to speak. 

He stood and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him tighter than I ever had before. He giggled so gleefully it sent lightning bolts of joy through my body. We pulled away from each other only to rest our foreheads together and breathily laugh I love you’s to one another. I thought this was the happiest I could ever be, the happiest I would ever be. Little did I know that the future would find thousands of ways to prove me wrong.


End file.
